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My work is currently getting ready to move our office to a new city. So, because of this we have been going through stuff to save or throw out. Today we came across a first aid kit. Inside the kit was some really expired Alka Seltzers, sterile cotton (that had a date of 1940? maybe), and other expired medication. I noticed a sticker that had information on what to do “In Case of Sudden Death.” What? Wait? Sudden Death? You mean they’re already dead? Uh oh, that can’t be good! I thought Sudden Death was what they did in fighting matches when there was a tie? You know, Sudden Death Match! (said in a deep dramatic tone)
Let’s begin……
#1 Put on Latex or Rubber gloves- I don’t know why, I guess so you don’t get death cooties on you.
#2 Establish Unresponsiveness- wait, didn’t you already say In Case of Sudden Death? I’m assuming they’re dead!
#3 Yell Out for Help - this is funny, obviously this was printed before the invention of 911. Put on your rubber gloves and yell HELP SOMEONE HAS HAD A SUDDEN DEATH!!
#4 Open Airway - be careful I’ve heard that when people die bodily fluids seep out of them….just sayin’
#5 Pinch Nostrils - well if they breath through their nose you just blocked their airway, but since they’re dead, I guess it’s okay.
#6 Give 2 Full Breaths - what? Into their mouth? Technically it doesn’t say to do that, maybe you’re suppose to just breath yourself, I mean you must be tired from all that yelling for help!
#7 Feel for a Pulse - I don’t know about you, but shouldn’t you feel for a pulse BEFOREyou stick your mouth on theirs? I mean, that could be sexual harassment or something! This should really be #2 or something!
#8 Send for Medical Help - Obviously all that damn yelling for help didn’t work! Maybe you could send Lassie to get Medical Help….too bad they didn’t have a phone number you could call to get help, that would be so much easier!
#9 Patient on a Firm Surface - Again, shouldn’t this be higher up on the list? It would be hard to give them mouth to mouth if they’re sitting in their chair. If you think about it, it definitely would look like you were doing something else to them if they were in a chair!
#10 Locate Hand Position - okay who’s hands are we talking about here? And what position?
#11 Position Your Body - again with the positions, this is sounding worse and worse, shouldn’t you be worried about the dead body?
#12 15 Chest Compressions- to the dead body? Ewww, oh wait, you’re wearing rubber gloves, you should be okay.
#13 2 Mouth to Mouth Ventilation’s- yea, sorry but I’m not putting my mouth on anyone’s mouth I work with.
#14 Repeat Compression & Ventilation’s - nope, sorry, this is not in my job description.
#15 Continue until the victim revives, additional help arrives, or until you are exhausted.
Okay, #15 is my all time favorite on the list! “Or until you are exhausted?” “Gee, I’m so exhausted from yelling for help, and I’m just tired, guess I can give up now, I mean, it says I can!”
Today it rained which meant the camp my boys go to was cancelled. They of course were super happy this morning, I of course wasn’t. This meant no going to work today and since I had gotten up at 6:30 a.m. I wasn’t even able to sleep in! Damn. The boys figured we would do something “fun” because we were home. Um, yeah, I don’t know where they got that idea, but that wasn’t happening. Fun on a rainy day costs money. They asked to go to Chuck E. Cheese, yeah right, I don’t really want to spend the day at the Third Circle of Hell with a bunch of other people. Have I mentioned I hate people? Well, yeah I do. I think they became bored by 9am. I became bored shortly after that. I told them they could clean their rooms, and their playroom, but they looked at me like I suddenly grew 3 heads. Okay, so that’s not exactly fun, but still it was something to do. I was pretty bored with my to do list too. I did a load of laundry, checked Facebook, did the dishes, checked Facebook, threw in another load of laundry, called Elle while I checked Facebook, vacuumed, googled a bunch of stupid things, more laundry, and checked Facebook. I kinda see a pattern here. The funny thing is when I went on Facebook, it always showed the same people “online.” Now with all the fancy phones I know sometimes it shows someone online, when really they’re just logged in on their phone. But for the other people that are on Facebook all day, why?? No offense, but what big life changing moment is going to happen when you sit on there all day long?
Also, there is nothing at all on t.v. during the day! Thanks to the boys watching Phineas and Ferb all day I had the “Aglet” Song stuck in my head. For those of you that don’t know, an “aglet” is the plastic piece at the end of a shoelace. Yea, super. I’m going to need that information someday. There are a ton of commercials for tampons, feminine wash, anti-depressants, weight loss, fiber foods, and plastic surgery. I think there should be more commercials for chocolate, brownies, ice cream, and “People’s 100 Sexiest Men”. I know there isn’t one for the last one, but there should be.
I’ve realized that I get way more done when I have to go to work, then when I have the whole day to do it. And all the things I think I would do if I didn’t have to go to work, I would never do. I don’t think I even got dressed today! Technically it wasn’t what I wore to bed last night, but a tank top and sweat shorts isn’t really fashionable, but who needs to be fashionable checking Facebook cleaning the house from top to bottom. I’ve also realized that both my boys need to go to the doctor because they apparently have tapeworms. And tuning them out listening to my MP3 keeps me sane, and me dancing to my MP3 drives my boys insane! Please let the sun shine tomorrow, I can’t take two days at home!
Today at work I was having a conversation with “Malibu Barbie” (not her real name), about the Employee of the Month. We were talking about who we thought might get it next. Well, another woman, let’s call her “K”, says, “well who’s left?“ Um, what? What do you mean who’s left? That makes it sound like you will only win it because you haven’t been picked yet. She ignores that comment and starts naming people. She names “The Original J”, “New J”, Accountant Ryan, and a new woman “T“. HELLO??? What about me??? She says, “what about you?” “You can’t win, you’re not eligible to win it.” What? Oh wait, of course not, because I don’t do anything at work. Can you sense the sarcasm here?? I say, “why can’t I win it? I’m in the running just like anyone else.” She says, “well you’re not an accountant, so I wouldn’t think you could win it.” Hello? It’s called “The Employee of the Month”, not the “Accountant of the Month”. I work in the Accounting Department and I do a hell of a lot of work. I actually enjoy my job, love my boss, and for the most part, the people are great. There are some I could do without, and if we ever get to decide things the way they do on Survivor, I know some torches that need to be extinguished….just sayin’. She then says, “Well you always remind us how you’re NOT an Accountant, so I wouldn’t think you could win it, it’s just for Accountants.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! At this point I’m being very mature by making faces and sticking my tongue at her behind her back keeping quiet. Fortunately it’s all on camera, so if anyone missed it, they can rewind the tape.
So she continued on talking about the people that were left like they were the bottom of the barrel. “The Original J” said, “they’re just saving the best for last.” Exactly!! And when I win, because I LOVE my boss *hint hint, wink wink*, I will still be able to fit my head through the front door. Can’t say the same for other people.
Okay, that is a picture of my bathing suit. But let me start at the very beginning. Yesterday Elle was nagging reminding me about writing a post. Technically I haven’t written an original post that wasn’t a meme in……..well I have no idea when! I was going to write about the series finale of LOST, that is, until Elle told me I got it all wrong, so then my post didn’t make any sense. Sooooo, as we were talking she mentioned that she needed a new bathing suit. Which I said, “so do I.” My bathing suit was bought in 1996. Yes you read correctly, 1996. I was 20 years old when I got it. Here’s the thing, there are a lot of reasons why I still wear it, it does still fit, even though it’s a bikini it actually covers everything, it’s comfortable, and I like it. Here’s the problem, it’s totally faded, and when I lay on my stomach in the sun I end up getting stripes on my bum where the white stripes are. Apparently that fabric is really thin, and the sun goes right through it. It’s so sexy to have vertical stripes on your bum. I know you’re jealous. I’m guessing it’s probably pretty see through at this point too, which I haven’t thought about until this very moment. Crap. I have bought bathing suits since 1996, I’ve actually gotten 3 or 4. I know, 3 or 4 in 14 years isn’t many, but you all know how bad it is to try on bathing suits!!! I always end up back to this one. I’m probably getting too old to wear a bikini, and I probably should burn it just so I don’t wear it again. I don’t want to be one of those people at the beach that everyone is talking about…..who knows, I’ve probably already been that person!
Okay, maybe not literally kill him….let me start at the beginning. Tonight I ran to Domino’s with my 9 year old to get pizza. I was gone exactly 15 minutes. I pull in the driveway, and a city Police Officer pulls in right behind me. WTH? I’m thinking, I know I wasn’t speeding. I wonder what he wants. He gets out of the cruiser and says, “I received a 911 call from this residence.” WHAT THE (*(*&)(*&&^^%$#!^*(&*^(!!!! I say, “Oh really, I wasn’t home, I just ran to get pizza, BUT my 11 year old son WAS! Let me go kill get him.” I go in the house and yell for him to get outside right now! We go outside and I say, “The Officer here says that you called 911.” So he says, “I was talking to my friend on the phone, and I dropped it and stepped on it, and my foot dialed 911.” The Officer and I looked at each other. Both thinking the same thing, there’s no way that’s what happened. I say to my son, “You’re going with that story?” Okay, I’ve heard of “butt dialing“, but I have never ever heard of “foot dialing.” The Officer asked my son, “So you do not have an emergency? There is no need for me to be here? And it was an accident?” “No, No, Yes.” The Officer smiled at me and said, “Well accidents do happen, although they don’t usually happen THAT way.”
This is why I said I’m going to kill my son. Okay? I know you are all out there laughing at this, and yes maybe next week I will find the humor in it. But be warned, if it hasn’t happened yet, you too will be victim of your son/daughter doing something this stupid! You just can’t make this shit up! Guess who’s not going to be staying home alone EVER???
The above picture is from the bottom of a motivational poster. It is a real picture with a snowball rolling down a hill. The other day when I was reading it, I started seeing it another way…. I was thinking it sounded more along the lines of, a few stupid people are okay, but put a whole bunch of them together, and they become dangerous. Maybe it’s just my weird thinking…
For more Wordfull Wednesday, head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom
Okay, I’m trying to be more efficient this week. I watched last night’s episode of LOST and took notes. Yep, notes. Am I a dork or am I just doing this for the fans? I’m going to go with doing it for fans. As you can see from the picture above of a very dead John Locke. Not to be confused with the John Locke possessed by the Smoke Monster or the John Lockein the parallel universe still stuck in a wheelchair. Have I lost you yet? Every time I think it’s going to reveal something, I get more and more confused. Again I will talk about what is going on on the Island, and then what was going on in the parallel universe (or whatever they’re calling it!)
So Locke (aka Smoke Monster) had Richard (the guy that doesn’t age) in a trap in the jungle. He let him down and Richard told him that he couldn’t “kill him”. Meaning someone else, not Richard. This didn’t go over well with Smokey. I’m just going to call him that from now on, it’s shorter. Smokey goes to the deserted Others Camp and finds Sawyer drunk and shirtless (yea). Since Sawyer is back to being angry and bitter, he convinces him to go with him into the jungle. As they are walking they run into a young, blond boy (of course right?). They both can see the little boy. And the little boy says, “you know the rules, you can’t kill him.” I’m guessing that this is Jacob as a child…..I know, Jacob is dead, and his body was burned, but this is LOST, everyone comes back to life on here, well, almost everyone (those actresses that were arrested for DUI never came back to life when they got killed). Anyways, Smokey runs after the little boy. Sawyer is alone in the jungle and crazy Richard comes out of nowhere and tells Sawyer that he has to come with him to the temple, and that Locke is not really Locke, and that he wants to kill everyone that is on the island, including Sawyer. Sawyer really doesn’t give a rat’s ass what Richard says. He tells him that he knows that isn’t Locke, but was told by him that if he went into the jungle with him, he would tell him why he was on the island. Smokey returns and Sawyer asks, “where’s the kid?”, and Smokey says, “what kid?” Sawyer then asks him what he is. He says that he was once a man, and that he is trapped, but if Sawyer continues with him all will be revealed (bull crap!) On the other side of the island Ben, the Pilot guy, Sun and Llana bury the real dead John Locke. Ben says some nice words at his funeral, “I’m sorry I murdered him”. Isn’t that nice? Back to Sawyer and Smokey….they climb down a rope ladder on a cliff, Sawyer almost falls down, but Smokey saves him. They enter a cave. In the cave on the ceiling are names, most of the names are crossed out. They do show you some of the names, like - 23-Shepherd, 16-Hurley, 42-Kwon, 4-Locke, 15-Ford, Sayid (can’t remember the number). I personally missed Kate’s name, unless they didn’t show it. Smokey crosses out Locke’s name. I’m guessing that the numbers with the names are those same set of cursed numbers (Hurley’s winning lotto numbers, and the code for that computer). I’m also guessing the crossed out names means they’re dead. Sawyer asks why his name is on the ceiling, and of course he gets a cryptic answer. He tells him that he has 3 choices, 1-do nothing, 2-become the new Jacob and protect the island from nothing, or 3-leave the island. He chooses door #3 with a “hell yes.”
Back on the alternate reality, it’s all about Locke. He’s stuck in the wheelchair, and gets fired for going to Australia to go on the walk about. When he leaves the building he runs into Hurley who’s Hummer is parked too close to his handicap van. Hurley says he owns the company and he will help Locke if he wants another job. Locke goes back to the company and is interviewed by Rose. Rose tells him that she has terminal cancer. She gives him a job as a substitute teacher at a school. When Locke goes into the teacher’s lounge, guess who he runs into? Ben, not quite as creepy as he is on the island, much more dorky and he is a history teacher.
Confused yet? Please feel free to comment with any observations I may of missed. I like to watch the episode again the following week with the subtitles at the bottom. There’s always something you miss!
The picture above is from the kitchen at my work. I was waiting for my lunch to heat up and noticed something in the recycling bin…… Can you tell what it might be? I noticed the reason why women can be cranky at work throughout the day (not that anyone I work with is cranky). Okay, if you can’t figure it out, I’ll tell you….every box in the recycling bin is for Lean Cuisine, or Smart One’s. Diet food people! Women are hungry, and lacking in calories! However, they are not lacking in salt intake…have you ever read the back of one of those boxes? There’s like a gazillion grams of salt in them! Which is probably why we go through water like crazy!
Last Friday we got free donuts and bagels…..everyone was in a good mood that day. Just sayin’
For more Wordfull Wednesday, head on over to 5 Minutes for Mom
Okay, I know I’m a week late, but I’ve been busy. I actually didn’t even get to watch last week’s episode until tonight! So here’s my re-cap, try to keep up, and feel free to add your comments on anything I may of missed! Thanks to everyone who commented last week, there were a lot of things I missed in the episode! Good clue hunting people!
We’re still going back and forth between the island, and well the real world, which actually could be a parallel universe or a 5th dimension. On the island Sayid is back to life! It’s a miracle! I love what Sawyer said to Kate about it, “He’s an Iraqi torturer that shoots little kids, of course he deserves another go round”. Sawyer then goes rogue and leaves the temple, giving Kate explicit directions NOT TO FOLLOW HIM! Dude, how many times have you said that exact same sentence to Kate? 3, 5, 6 times? She’s not going to listen, she neverdoes! Next Sayid is strapped to a table and is tortured by the weird Japanese guy. You know what that is right? Karma!! You died, got brought back to life just to get tortured just like you tortured people. Karma will bite you in the ass every time! The hippie guy tells Sayid he passed the test, but he’s lying. Hurley asks Sayid if he’s a zombie! I love Hurley, I was thinking the exact same thing! We find out that the Japanese guy can actually speak english (big surprise right?)and tells Jack that Sayid needs to take a special green pill because he’s infected. He tries to guilt trip Jack into it, but it doesn’t work. Of course Jack takes the pill, but then the Japanese guy punches him, and I believe he spit it out. He finds out that the pill contains poison. He tells Jack that Sayid is “claimed” and that a darkness will take over him just like what happened to his sister! (MIA Claire!) Meanwhile Kate, Jin, and two guys from the temple go look for Sawyer. Why does Kate have the ability to “track” people? Was she a hunter? One of the guys says that he was the guard at the others camp that Kate knocked in the head and escaped when she and Sawyer were in that cage together. And we all know what happened in that cage! Kate finds Sawyer in the empty Others camp in the house he shared with Juliette. He tells Kate that he was going to propose to Juliette. Which makes Kate cry because obviously she realizes that she’s not the onefor Sawyer. In the jungle Claire shows up and saves Jin from being shot. Of course she looks like a crazed jungle woman. Like the french woman, but Australian.
Okay off in the parallel universe Kate steals a taxi from the airport with pregnant Claire inside. She tells the driver to step on it, but out steps this guy who says, “I’m walking here”. Did you remember who he was?? Think back waaay far…..he was the science teacher that carried the dynamite and blew up! That was some funny stuff there. Anyways some boring stuff happens, she lets Claire go, etc. Then after she goes through Claire’s bag she decides she shouldn’t of threatened a very pregnant woman. She finds her and offers to bring her to the people who are suppose to adopt her baby. I guess the taxi driver wasn’t in a hurry to report his taxi was carjacked. They show up on the doorstep, and the woman who was going to adopt the baby opens the door. She tells Claire that she’s sorry but her husband left her, so she’s shit out of luck. Claire goes into labor, of course. Kate drives her to the hospital and goes in with her. Of course, she’s only wanted by the feds! At the hospital Claire is tended to by “Dr. Goodspeed”, who is in fact ETHAN who kidnapped Claire in the jungle! Can you say creepy? So that’s it. Here’s the tally of who’s dead, not dead, MIA, etc. on the island.
Still Dead Not Dead MIA Zombie
Juliette Kate Sun Sayid
Rousseau Jack Rose Claire
Hurley Bernard Locke
Sawyer Vincent
Jin
So on Wednesday LOST finally premiered. Let me start off by saying that I have watched this damn show since it started. This is the last season, and they keep saying that everything will be explained. Yea right, that’s what you guys have been saying all along, and nothing is ever explained! Every time I watch it I am more confused than I was the week before! I decided to summarize what happened in the 2 hour premiere, hopefully you can follow along…
In the season finale last year Jack, Sawyer, Kate and Juliette were trying to blow up the big ass magnet that’s on the island. They thought if they did that, then their plane wouldn’t crash on the island….remember, they traveled back in time and it’s the 70’s, they haven’t actually crashed there yet. Makes sense right? So, boom, it blows up. On the other side of the island Locke brought Ben to talk to Jacob. Jacob is the CEO of the island, Ben is his bitch, I mean assistant, he does everything Jacob tells him to do, although he’s never actually seen Jacob. There are some other people that came to the Island on another plane, and they brought a casket, and guess who was in the casket??? Locke! What the Hell?? Yep there’s Locke’s dead body, how is that possible? Just wait, it gets even weirder. It then jumps to Jack, Sayid, Sawyer, Kate, Hurley, Boone (remember him from season 1?), Sun, Jin, Rose and Bernard on the doomed airplane from Australia that is suppose to crash on the island…….but it doesn’t…it passes over the island, and the camera pans down from the clouds and shows the island under water…kinda like Atlantis or something! We also find out that the airline lost Jack’s dead father. Then we jump back to the island where the big bomb went off, they find Juliette under a bunch of rubble and save her in time for her to die in Sawyer’s arms….it didn’t go over well with Sawyer. Then we see Locke and Ben talking to Jacob in a cave, Locke convinces Ben to kill Jacob, which he does, then they burn Jacob’s body. A bunch of other people come in the cave (which I’m guessing are Jacob’s bodyguards, but they obviously are fired now because they didn’t do their job!) and they shoot Locke. Guess what, the bullets bounce off of him…yep another What The Hell moment. Locke then turns to smoke! Ahh, now I understand, he’s the Smoke Monster of the Island! He kills the bodyguards, then turns back into Locke. If you don’t know the Smoke Monster is like the crazy pit bull of the island, he was probably some one’s pet, but then he went crazy. So then dead Jacob goes to talk to Hurley, I’m guessing because Hurley has mental issue’s he can also talk to dead people. Jacob tells Hurley to bring Sayid to a temple in the jungle. Sayid is dying, in case you didn’t know. So off they go into the jungle and they find a HUGE temple, wow, surprising they never saw the big ass temple sitting on an island! Anyways, they bring Sayid to the temple, the temple people drown him in some magical pool, and he dies. Don’t worry in about 10 minutes he comes back to life. So that’s about it, are you completely confused? I know I am! Also, here is a list of who’s dead, who’s not, and who might be, I’m sure I’ve missed a few people:
Dead Not Dead Maybe Dead
Jacob Jack Claire
Jack’s Father Kate Jack’s Father
Charlie Sawyer Desmond
Juliette Hurley Richard
Locke Jin
Ben’s Father Sun
Stumble it!
