Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category
Okay, maybe not literally kill him….let me start at the beginning. Tonight I ran to Domino’s with my 9 year old to get pizza. I was gone exactly 15 minutes. I pull in the driveway, and a city Police Officer pulls in right behind me. WTH? I’m thinking, I know I wasn’t speeding. I wonder what he wants. He gets out of the cruiser and says, “I received a 911 call from this residence.” WHAT THE (*(*&)(*&&^^%$#!^*(&*^(!!!! I say, “Oh really, I wasn’t home, I just ran to get pizza, BUT my 11 year old son WAS! Let me go kill get him.” I go in the house and yell for him to get outside right now! We go outside and I say, “The Officer here says that you called 911.” So he says, “I was talking to my friend on the phone, and I dropped it and stepped on it, and my foot dialed 911.” The Officer and I looked at each other. Both thinking the same thing, there’s no way that’s what happened. I say to my son, “You’re going with that story?” Okay, I’ve heard of “butt dialing“, but I have never ever heard of “foot dialing.” The Officer asked my son, “So you do not have an emergency? There is no need for me to be here? And it was an accident?” “No, No, Yes.” The Officer smiled at me and said, “Well accidents do happen, although they don’t usually happen THAT way.”
This is why I said I’m going to kill my son. Okay? I know you are all out there laughing at this, and yes maybe next week I will find the humor in it. But be warned, if it hasn’t happened yet, you too will be victim of your son/daughter doing something this stupid! You just can’t make this shit up! Guess who’s not going to be staying home alone EVER???
Tuesday afternoon our 9 year-old son had a Thanksgiving get together at school. Luckily my husband has had the week off, so he got to come too. Usually he has to work during all the school things. It was cute, and our son wrote a Thanksgiving Essay about what he’s thankful for. I thought I’d share it with you all today, just don’t tell him! Have a very Happy Thanksgiving!
On Thanksgiving my family gets together to have food and stuff. Then we go out and play football, and we play with the neighbors. We have food then we say goodbye and that’s it.
I am thankful for my Mom. My Mom helps with my homework. And she helps me with making my bed. She helps me make my lunch. And she makes mostly all my family’s food. She does a lot of good food on Thanksgiving. And she also helps me on the computer. And she helps me when I spell something wrong. She gives me allowance every Friday and she helps me find my toys when I lose them. She helps me get shoes that fit me.
I am thankful for my Dad. He can fix mostly anything. He is an expert spaghetti maker. He has to make turkey on Thanksgiving. He is good at making turkey. When my pants ripped, my Dad can fix it. He is good at math, science, so my Dad is good at doing mostly anything. My Dad likes to watch me play football with my friends at my football games. He likes to watch me practice football too. Sometimes, he helps me when I’m doing homework, when my Mom and I don’t know.
I am thankful for my brother. He helps me when I get stuck on a video game level. He helps me when my computer is not working. He helps me with my homework. He helps me with my writing if there is something wrong. He helps me when I can’t find the off-key on the computer or when the mouse is not working. He helps me find my library card. He is nice to me.
My family is all special to me. I like to spend Thanksgiving with my parents and family. Happy Thanksgiving!
A week or so ago “T” came home from school and announced that he had joined a new club. He was super excited about it, and was talking a mile a minute. I asked him what the name of the club was…he said, “The Young Hero’s Club”. “Okay, sure, what do you do in this club?” “On Saturday’s we play games together.” “Really, because the name sounds like you would have to do something, like maybe community service?” He scrunched up his face and said, “NO! We get to play games, we don’t have to do work.” Arguing with him could be an Olympic Sport, so I left it at that, and didn’t bring it up again until I got a phone call. Some kid called about the Young Hero’s Program, to give me more information. First off the kid sounded like Keanu Reeves from Point Break, or maybe Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, yea, he was that smart! Of course I started asking a million questions, to which he would respond, “oh, uh, I don’t really know, like, you should really call someone else to ask like questions and stuff.” YOU called ME to give me information what the hell? The whole time you could tell he was trying to get me off of the phone, but hey, I had questions. Like, what exactly is this program? His answer, “well, we like go out on 3 Saturday’s a month from like 9am -4pm and do stuff around the community.” Wow, that really narrows it down…stuff. Alright, is there supervision for the kids who are doing stuff? “Ah, yea there’s like 15 of us, we’re all about 17 thru 24 years old.” Me: “And who supervises you guys?” Seriously! 17-24, I can see it now, a bunch of older teenagers sitting around bossing around a bunch of kids for 7 hours! Don’t we have convicted felons and celebrities that have been convicted of DWI for community service? I don’t even work 7 hours a day!
“T” was really mad when I told him it was all about Community Service! I don’t know if he was mad that there weren’t games to play or the fact that I was right! When my husband heard us talking he yelled, “Community service? If you want to do something for the community, go out back and do some yard work.” “T” doesn’t do any work unless he negotiates a price before hand. Needless to say, he won’t be joining this club. I really don’t think I need to drop off my 11 year old somewhere in town with teenagers who will be in charge of him for 7 hours! I think I can find something else he could do for the Community!
I’ve been repeating this over and over in my head. I have 5 more weeks left of my medical leave until I will be allowed to go back to work. And there are 5 more weeks until the kids go back to school. I was suppose to have some work I could do from home so that I wouldn’t miss out on a paycheck, but apparently they don’t have anything for me to do. Great. Nothing for me to do. Then I also have the task of keeping the boys entertained and happy. Both of those things are very hard to do! Like today for example, my youngest son’s friend called and asked to come over, so I decided to let my oldest have a friend over. This way, each boy has their own friend to play with and they don’t have to bother each other. Yea right, that’s not how it worked today. The two youngest boys annoyed the hell out of the two oldest one’s. So instead of listening to just my two boys argue I got to listen to four boys arguing. Great!
We have a pool that they could swim in, but of course half the summer has felt like April with showers! I’m not allowed to do much either, so it’s not like I can go re-paint a room in the house or something. Plus I get tired easily right now, so I’d have half the room done and be too tired to finish it. Both boys birthdays are next month within a week of each other. Both of them have been planning their birthday parties for the past 6 months. I think the latest plans they have are, one wants a pool party and one wants a laser tag party. Plus we are trying to plan a week away at my in-laws camp. I am also trying to think of something spectacular to do for my husband’s birthday on Labor Day weekend. I’d tell you how old he is, because it’s not that old, but I’m not sure if he wants the whole world knowing. Although we know only about 3 people actual read this blog. Anyways, it’s a big milestone so I want to do something really special for him. Shhhh don’t tell him okay!
5 more weeks to keep them happy, and fed. Holy Crap, having them home, they just eat everything in sight! It’s ridiculous! I don’t know where they put it all. Hopefully the sun will start shining more, and it will actually feel like summer!
The other day my son said something really cute and funny. It got me thinking that I really should write these things down, otherwise I will never remember what they were. So I’ve decided to share with you all funny things that my boys say or have said. Most have been said by our youngest.
My taste bugs have changed - this is still used by my 8 year old when referring to food his likes or dislikes.
No Cheese Poppa - we have a whole video of this when our youngest was 2 years old or so, and my father is trying to take a video of him. The whole time he kept saying that, which I guess meant he didn’t want his picture taken!
My oldest son started wearing that Axe Deodorant spray, well, my youngest has speech problems and couldn’t say Axe correctly, although in his mind he was, here is the conversation, “wow that Ass Deodorant Spray smells good, can I have some Ass Spray too?” Yes, Ass Deodorant Spray, it still makes me laugh.
Speaking of speech issues when he was probably 4 years old he couldn’t say the “ch” sound. We were over my friend’s house waiting for the school bus when she brought out some chalk. So, that started a whole conversation that I thought was going to make my friend die laughing. “Wow, that’s big caulk you have! We have caulk at my house, but our caulk isn’t as big as your caulk, your caulk is really big!” Yes it sounded dirty and funny!
A few years ago he asked me why girls have big balloons, and boys didn’t have balloons. When he got older he started hearing words I would of rather he not have heard. But he heard the technical word for a boy’s parts (see I don’t use it, I use PeePee), but he heard that wrong too. When his older brother hit him there one time he exclaimed, “Ow! You hit me in my peanuts” My husband and I started laughing (I know good parenting, laugh first, ask if you are okay second). Then he had heard someone refer to his other parts as nuts. Not a fan of that either, but he got it wrong again and said, “my coconuts are bothering me”. Another funny conversation occurred when we signed him up for football. At the sign up they said he needed to have a cup to play. On the way to the car he said, “I can use my big water bottle for football”, and I agreed. He then continued with, “well she said if I don’t have a cup I can’t play”. Oh! Not that type of cup! I explained what kind of cup they were talking about, and where it goes. With a disgusted look on his face he says, “my coach doesn’t put that on me does he?”. Uh, no, if he did, there would be a problem!! Our oldest came home from school one day and said they had learned about “Optimistic” kids. After asking him many questions I came to realize he meant “Autistic” kids.
Lastly the other night when our 8yr old was reading a book about a bird trying to teach a duck to sing he read, “tweet, tweet, tweet”. And then said, “hey I’m singing like a Canadian”. Um no honey, like a canary ! I’m sure when he grows up, he’ll really appreciate me writing about the funny, cute things he used to say!
The other day I was watching t.v. with our youngest son, and a commercial came on. He said to me, “No offense, but that guy is ugly!” I said, “honey that’s not nice to say, you don’t say things like that about people”. To his defense the guy was ugly, but that’s not the point. This starts a whole conversation between us. “Mom, it’s okay to say that because I said no offense” “Um, no that’s not okay to say even if you say no offense”. “Yes it is, it means you don’t mean any offense, so what you say people can’t get mad at” This is the logic of an 8 year old. I told him that they are not some magic words you can say and then say anything you want. To this he says, “well there was a kid at school and their shirt didn’t cover their stomach and I told them that they needed to lose some weight”. “But don’t worry, I said No Offense first.” AHHHHHH! Oh shit! Crap in a crapbasket! How do I convey to an 8 year old that this is not acceptable? And who do I have to thank for his new found logic? Huh? Spongebob? Drake and Josh? ICarly? He must of heard it somewhere, and I know I don’t say it. All I know is he is going back to school after vacation and I’m sure he’s going to say it to a few people tomorrow. I can just hear it now, I’ll get a phone call that he was written up because he said, “No offense Amber, but those shoes don’t go with that outfit”, “no offense Billy but you smell like you have never taken a shower”, “no offense Mrs. Teacher but your butt looks big in those pants” AHHHHHH! This is how he is, he is very honest, and now with his two magic words he can be very honest!
The next day after this conversation my husband and I were watching Talladega Nights and Will Ferrell says, “With All Due Respect”, and then says something completely rude. The other actor tries to explain to him that he can’t just say With All Due Respect, and then say anything he wants. OMG! It’s the same conversation I was having with our son except the words were different. Will Ferrell had the same argument that our son had! I’ll await the phone call from the principle. But considering he used to be my boss, maybe I can get out trouble…maybe.
Yoshi in Dust
Thanks J-Man. You’re just like your
Dad 
wordless wednesday
That is my question of the day. I looked online to answer this question, and couldn’t find the exact answer, other than it was made in Sweden and packaged in China. I’m thinking the person who invented moon sand was first off, a guy, and second, did not have kids. Because if they did have kids they would never think of developing such a toy! And if they still did, their wife would probably leave them! This is a set my son got for Christmas from a relative. It is supposed to be good because you can keep all your moon sand, and play with it in the case. There are a few problems to this, if you don’t keep the plastic bags, (which are not resealable) all your sand gets mixed together. Plus moon sand NEVER stays in the tray. It gets everywhere! It’s messy, and I hate it! My boys on the other hand love it! They also choose to play with it right after I’ve finished vacuuming. WTH! 
Here is a picture of them playing with it. As you can see, there is moon sand on the table around the container. Here are the reasons why I hate moon sand, and if you haven’t already bought your kids some…..DON’T!
1. Moon Sand goes everywhere! And if you have tile or wood floors they will become extremely slippery!
2. It attaches to everything. The dog, your socks, your cat, your shoes!
3. Sand is meant to be played with outside, not inside.
4. It states that it is Non-Toxic, but it should not be eaten or swallowed. I don’t know why you would eat it, but there are paste eaters out there.
5. In the instructions in big letters it says “DO NOT allow soap or liquid soap to come into contact with the moon sand.” This makes me want to do it, just to see what would happen.
6. It also says “Wash hands after use“, ummm, doesn’t that contradict the whole #5 of no soap coming in contact?
7. 10 minutes of play, 10 years of finding blue, green, and yellow sand everywhere.
8. There’s 10% less sand to play with after each use (this is both a good thing and a bad thing)! It’s where the 10% went that is the bad thing!
9. Sand fights (remember I have 2 boys ages 8 + 10)
10. Someone always rubs their eyes when they are playing with it. Emergency eye wash anyone??
Merry Christmas to everyone out there. I hope you all had a wonderful day. I should be in bed, I’m tired enough to be in bed, but I’m not there yet. The boys woke up at 2:30 a.m., and came down every hour to “go to the bathroom”. Yea, right, no one has to pee that much! And each time they would come down they would take just a minute longer to go back upstairs! We finally let them open presents at the un-godly hour of 6am! UGH! But there was no making them wait any longer! They had a great Christmas though, and Santa brought a lot of things that were on their list. We’ve been rocking out to the Wii Guitar Hero World Tour! I personally like the drums, and I do “Rock” at them, or at least the game tells me that I do. It’s really fun, and addicting. But you know you’ve had enough playing when you look away from the t.v. and everything is moving like the notes in the game. Can you say migraine? They are also very happy with their MVP players. Yep, that’s what I said MVP. I know they’re MP3 players, but my 8 yr. old calls them MVP players, and I think it’s cute, so that’s what I’m going to call them from now on. My husband totally surprised me and got me my very own computer and new printer/scanner/copier! I was so surprised and excited. Now I can actually use a computer at home! We all usually have to fight each other to see who gets the computer in the evening, and then my husband goes to bed at 8:30 p.m. every night, and our computer is in the bedroom, so I never get to use the computer at night! This is going to work out great, my computer will be in the kitchen and I can work on it whenever I want! Yea me! I think we’ve opened almost every toy the kids got, because they want to play with them for at least 5 minutes before they decide they want you to open another toy! And there were no injuries from the stupid industrial strength plastic that holds tiny, flimsy toys in boxes. I bet there is a very high injury rate on Christmas from that damn plastic! WUWT?? Do we really need that strong of plastic, tape, twist ties, sometimes screws, small clear elastics, etc. to hold in action figures or cars or Littlest Pet Shop characters?? I’m thinking…NOT! Well I’m falling asleep, and Elle hates it when I use bad grammar, or make spelling errors, so I better end this now. Here’s a pic of our tree with the unwrapped gifts under it…
Every day when J-Man gets home from school I ask him how his day was. Every day he says “I forget” or “I don’t remember” He has even started heading me off with the hand thing. You know “Talk to the hand” He holds it up and says “If you’re going to ask me how my day went I don’t remember.” Now you’d think it wouldn’t be too difficult for a first grader to remember how his day went, but, apparently, it’s just too much for him.
A couple of days ago he received a Christmas card in the mail from his Grandmother. He opened it up and said “Hey, it’s the same card she sent me last year!”
Stumble it!
