Archive for the ‘Girl Stuff’ Category
Last night, my friend took me out for a birthday celebration. My birthday was in October, but between life, kids, school, work, and kids getting sick, it took awhile to get the time to do it. We went out at 8pm, which is usually the time when I have my yoga pants on, y’know so I can do yoga on the couch. We first went to a bar that was brand new. It was very nice and clean inside, no remnants of puke on the carpet anywhere. There was a band playing really loud that wasn’t that good. I think it was probably the singer’s fault, she was a very small, old woman with a voice that was borderline American Idol audition-esque. They had one groupie that was dancing up front, he was dressed really pretty. We went upstairs so that we could actually talk and not yell into each other’s ear. The upstairs had pool tables, darts, and video games. We noticed that the upstairs was all kids, like college kids, and downstairs was all old people. Of course the band was playing all old songs that the college kids wouldn’t know, except for one kid that said, “oh I love this song, it’s from Guitar Hero”. After we had enough of making fun of the people there we decided it was time to move on. We had to go down this huge wooden staircase to leave, which in heels was hard enough, I couldn’t imagine if you were drunk. Which made me wonder how many drunk people will fall down those stairs.
The next bar was on a one way street, so it took I think three times going around the block to finally find a place to park. We got to see all the skanks that were walking to the bar. That was good for some laughs. Which made me come to the conclusion that if all three girls are skanks, there’s no one to tell you that you don’t look good in that skin tight mini skirt and half shirt. They all looked like a train wreck! Inside there was a band there too, but it was much better than the first place. We went downstairs because it was so packed upstairs. There were the usual, lots of college kids, a few lonely looking old guys, and skanky girls. We of course didn’t fit into any of those categories. I don’t understand how someone can go to a bar by themselves. Why bother? Can’t you just drink at home, it’s cheaper! My friend decided we should take a picture of ourselves together, since we had make up on and all. This led to many re-takes, and many comments of, “oh my gosh, look how many chins I have”, “do I really look like a drowned rat? my hair is so flat!”, “look at my nose, what is up with that?”. We finally got one picture that was fuzzy, so that worked out good. Fuzzy is good sometimes. This of course led to us to trying to upload the picture to Facebook via my cell phone. Then we started checking out people’s status updates on Facebook. I said, “is this pathetic that we’re playing on Facebook at a bar?” We decided that it wasn’t because we weren’t sitting at home doing it. Before we were going to leave we went upstairs to see the band. Now, my friend is thin, looks really young, and is cute, so you would think she would get hit on. Well, she does, but not by who you’d think. Some really, really old guy, who looked like he was homeless, and like he smelled put his arm around her. I was thinking, “what the hell is this guy thinking?“, and “I’m so glad that’s not me”. I tolerated it for a minute or so, but the fact that he thought he could just put his arm around her and that was okay kinda ticked me off. I mean really, how old are you? And do you really think she would like you hitting on her? I finally pushed him arm away and said, “I don’t think her husband would like you putting your arm around her okay”. He finally got the hint that her bitchy friend (me) wasn’t kidding. My friend said that it happens to her every time she goes out, some really old guy hits on her. I don’t envy that!
All in all it was a good time, and we were able to talk more than we usually do. Usually when we try to have a conversation, we end up yelling at the kids in between, and then forget our train of thought. And when we left the bar we had one more fun thing to do, hit the Wendy’s 24 hour drive thru! Because it always tastes better after mid-night!
Hello everybody, it’s me, I’m back, well kinda, not really, but I’m trying. I came home from the hospital almost 2 weeks ago now Actually I got kicked out of the hospital. Gee, where to begin….let me start off with saying that I am still on extremely strong pain meds, so I am a little loopie. Some of what I write may make sense to me, but not to you, sorry, you just need to be on some good drugs to get it. The surgery itself went good, I’m a lot lighter now, down to one ovary, no uterus, no cervix and all the endometrial growth is now gone. According to the doctor I had more than she thought I would have at my age, which is good because it means this whole thing was worth it. For the first 12 hours I was kept on a steady dose of morphine, which was nice, I was also made to wear a torture device so that I didn’t develop blood clots. I don’t know the real name for them, but I referred to them as “exploding booties“. I had to wear them on my feet, and every second one would inflate with a “POW”, and then hiss out the air, and then the other one, “POW”, and so on and so forth, all night long. Not very easy trying to sleep wearing those things! I also constantly freaked the nurses out with my blood pressure! You would think a mother of 2 boys would have high blood pressure….not me. My blood pressure is a tad above a zombie’s. It would be 90/60, sometimes 86/54. If I had a new nurse they’d go and get another one and be freaking out about it! It was funny. Sometimes I wouldn’t say anything….I mean c’mon they have my chart, they can see the numbers. When they’d ask me if that was normal, I really wanted to say, “oh no, it’s never been that low!” But I didn’t. I didn’t want them giving me a shot of epinephrine or something to bring it up! Then the nurses came in at 10pm that night after surgery to remove the catheter…..something of course you want taken out, but not the whole process. They had me sit down, she said take a deep breath, and then YANK! OW!! @#$$%^&*(*&^%, she just pulled the thing out! As I’m sitting there trying to catch my breath the nurse says, “Have you ever seen how these things work?” She then begins to blow up the catheter balloon in order to show me how it stays in you. It was like some awful squirting joke flower thing or something! I’m thinking great that was just you know where, and she’s going to squirt me in the eye with left over you know what!!!
The next day the boys visited me, and my youngest was so happy to see that I could walk around a little and that I looked normal. It was funny at one point I was in the bathroom and I could hear them talking about me, “Mom’s not going to be able to do laundry, we’re gonna have to help her”, “she won’t be able to wash dishes either”. To which my youngest answered with, “Why? her arms still work” That made me giggle. I got kicked out of the hospital on the 2nd day after surgery, I guess they had new people coming in or something. The nurse came in and said, “why don’t you order some breakfast and call your husband to pick you up…do you want me to open the blinds?” She asked me about the blinds like 3 times! Leave me alone lady, I don’t want the stinking blinds open!!! I think she checked to make sure my husband was coming like 10 times! She even asked me if I needed a taxi……are you on crack? No I don’t want a taxi!
The next day after I got home I had to go back out to the dr. to have my staples removed. I wasn’t looking forward to that! I was afraid that when they took them off, that whatever was left inside would fall out. Kinda gross huh? When I asked if they could do it Friday they said they were closed for the holiday, so I said, “what about Monday?” To which the doctor said, “well I could, but then they may be all scabbed over”. Okay, ewwww, and owwwww! It went okay, she took some instrument that looked like clippers and just pulled each one out. It amazed me that it didn’t hurt, it looked like it should hurt!!
Yesterday I went to my almost 2 week follow up appointment. It went well, I was down 4 pounds which is something! I also got my okay to drive. I asked her if I could go swimming and she says, “of course you can, it’s not like water goes rushing up there or anything”. Okay, again EWWWWWW! Elle said, “well they did take everything out of there, it would of been pretty gross if you went swimming and the water was being sucked up there, it might make people look”. So I guess it was good that I asked that question. Elle has been great, such a supportive sister, she’s had all types of comments for me….like, wouldn’t it be funny if the wind blew and it made a sound like when you blow into an empty bottle? I can always count on her to be there for me. : )
Okay, this is my “Before” picture. Yep that’s me, the once invisible Stacy over here at BMB. I’ve come out of hiding I guess, and now you all can see what I look like, or looked like, because today I got my haircut. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, although I wanted to go to a high end Salon that my friend went to, but it would of been $40. And I hate to spend much on myself, but today I decided was the day to get it cut. I first drove to a discount chain haircutting place, but they were packed, apparently other people were looking for a cheap bad haircut. So I drove up the rode to someplace much worse, and cheaper. I walk in and write my name down, and this, um, what’s a nice way to put this……um, frumpy looking girl calls my name. Please god let her be the cashier and not the stylist. Oh crap, she is the stylist. Okay, I know you’re not suppose to judge a book by it’s cover, but if you are going to be cutting my hair, I would like you to look like you know how to do your OWN hair! Her hair is in a messy ponytail! She couldn’t even have a neat ponytail. And she’s in sweats, not “yoga” pants, big ass baggy sweats! UGH! So I show her the picture I brought with me on how I want my hair to be cut. She tells me that she will need to use the razor scissors on my hair for the layers, which I agree to. I get in the chair and she starts razoring off 3 inches of my hair. You’re doing it wrong (this saying keeps going on in my head) Anytime I’ve had my hair razored, they first cut off the length with regular scissors, then razor it. Not her, she’s razoring the crap out of my hair, and of course my thick long hair is getting all stuck. She then asks me what side I part my hair on, and when I tell her she parts it and starts cutting it. You’re doing it wrong Every time I get my haircut they part it down the middle, cut it and then style it, not the other way around. More and more is coming off, oh crap, why did I do this, what the hell was I thinking? And when she’s done, I look like Carol Brady, the top of my hair is all puffy and the bottom is straight, kinda like a woman’s mullet. You did it wrong This doesn’t look like the picture, what are you blind? I know, you get what you pay for, but I didn’t want to look like Carol Brady! I came home and colored my hair, and tried to re-do it the right way. I’m still not too pleased with it, and I need to experiment with it, but other people have told me it looks good. I will take their word for it and deal with it, it’ll grow eventually. Below is my “After” picture, sorry it’s in black and white, but it’s late, and my make up has fallen off of my face by now. Believe me, it’s a lot better than the color picture I took.
If you don’t already know, that title is actually a song. I’m using it as my title because Saturday night I went out to a “club” or “bar” with my friend Wendy. The thing is, it definitely is NOT the type of club you see on say a music video, unless maybe you are watching redneck t.v. or something. Let’s just say we had dollar drinks, danced the night away, and laughed at all the train wrecks that were there. Here is a list of some of what we saw that night:
1. Feathered Hair-oh yea! Feathered hair, like 80’s big feathered hair
2. Guy on the dance floor wearing a Polaris Snowmobile Jacket, sweatpants, and work boots-I can only guess that those were his “good clothes“.
3. White guy with his shirt unbuttoned too much, dancing like he thought he could, adjusting his Black Velcro Sneakers-again it must of been his “dress shoes“.
4. Security Guard who was 5′5-he was wearing a shirt that said SECURITY, but I could of taken him!
5. A girl wearing a SCRUNCHIE-need I say more?
6. Too many girls that had no common sense when they got dressed and left the house-I’m sorry, but you need to have a least one girlfriend that will tell you how BAD you look in that outfit!
7. Too many drunk people who thought they could dance-it makes for good people watching!
8. A Cross-Dresser-we think she had an Adam’s Apple
9. Tons of creepy guys who thought they were cool by buying women drinks-HELLO they were a dollar! Wow, big spender can buy a dollar drink, I am sooo totally impressed.
10. People under the age of 35 who were missing teeth
11. NASCAR hats
12. NASCAR jackets
And last buy definitely NOT least, the bathroom…which I was told had been re-modeled, you be the judge:
Okay, so here’s the “re-modeled” bathroom. First off, it was all Plywood (I guess that’s the Natural Wood Smell), notice the OPEN OUTLET, I mean c’mon what dumb city agency approved that one? Do you like the nails sticking out of the top of the stall? WUWT? I mean seriously, my 8 year old can do a better job hitting a nail! And lastly the number on the wall…all I have to say is I’m sure there’s some pretty drunk people trying to call it, and not knowing why it won’t work! The doors didn’t have locks on them either, there was toilet paper stuffed into the opening so no one could look in. Not what I would of gone with if you’re remodeling, but hey who am I to judge?
Thanks to all of you that guessed, I’m sorry you don’t win anything. “Little Big Sister” is right! Ding, ding I want a Be-Dazzler. Yep, I am that dorky! Nobody can buy it for me though because no one would want to be seen with me! You would need sunglasses when I came down the street! I would Be-Dazzle the crap out of everything! I would have the tackiest clothes around. I am pretty fashionable, or so I’ve been told, but if I had one of those, well, that would be a totally different story. I’ve even looked at Walmart and they have the generic version, “The Be-jeweler” for $9.87. See, it would only take $10 for me to turn into a tacky, shiny person!
CAUTION-THIS POST CONTAINS, SOME ADULT THEMES AND REFERENCES. NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 OR FOR MY MUM OR DAD.
Last night I went to a party. Not a Tupperware party, or jewelry or candle party. It was a party just for adult women where you go and buy certain small machinery. I think you catch my drift. I wasn’t going to go, but Elle made me go. She was a mean big sister, and double dog dared me, and told me I had to take one for the team and go. I guess I’ll think of it as “investigative reporting”, that’s what I was doing, investigating weird items in some one’s home that I did not know, around women I did not know, all in all a very awkward situation. I was invited by “Accountant Ryan’s” wife. Weird huh? Now I have a glimpse into their life that I really didn’t need. Elle came up with a safe word for us to use when we are talking to each other and we get into that awkward TMI territory. The word is “AARDVARCK“. So, we yell that word when we don’t want to hear anything else. It was a very aardvarck night!
So, they start off the evening with lotions, and body items. Supposedly sweet lotions that will make your skin soft, but also with pheromones to attract the opposite sex. Okay, I don’t think I had the appropriate reaction to these products. As they were being passed around I realized my sinuses were filling up, then my nose began to run, then the sneezing started and my eyes were getting really itchy. I’m thinking sounding like Elmer Fudd, and having a runny nose is actually NOT a turn on to the opposite sex! So I proceeded to the bathroom to blow my nose and try to wash the stuff off of me! I also noticed that the hostesses cat started laying on the couch right behind my head, and I swear it was licking my hair. I asked the woman if cats are attracted to the pheromones, because apparently it started liking me! Thank god my dog is fixed, I did not want to come home to him attacking my leg! Next came the dreaded “products”, that we got to pass around. The woman wanted to show us a particular useful product that had a suction cup on the bottom of it. She slammed it down on a chair and then proceeded to lift the chair by holding onto the product. I said, “well that’s one way to move a chair”. I really wanted to take it and throw it against the wall to see if it would stick, y’know like those suction cup darts, but I was afraid it would go through the wall. Let’s just say it was pretty hefty. Plus, I don’t think the hostess would appreciate me throwing it at her wall. She then came out with a whip that was shaped like a paintbrush. Before she passed it around she said it was made out of latex so if you are allergic, don’t touch it. Which made me burst out laughing because in my head I’m thinking about Elle, who is allergic, and I’m just picturing her becoming red, and swollen and just having a huge allergic reaction! Thinking that if she had to go to the emergency room, and explain why she was having an allergic reaction, it would be the funniest thing ever! I would sooo want to be there for that! Can you imagine? I know it sounds mean, but she would be thinking the same thing about me!
Because we try to keep this website, somewhat family friendly, and our mother is an avid reader along with our children, I will not be posting the god awful picture that I sent Elle via cell phone last night, (AARDVARCK!). Instead here is a list from the catalog of the names of some of the products. Which makes me wonder who the hell came up with these stupid names?
Butterfly Kiss (reminds me of that stupid song), Chubby G (which sounds like a big rapper to me), Glitter G (gay rapper), G Love (another gansta rapper), Insatiable G (again, rapper), Mystical Dragon (Chinese restaurant), Passion Flower (good alcoholic drink), Passion Wave (Doesn’t Snapple have that flavor?) PulsaTron (sounds like something my husband would have in the garage), Pulsing Butterfly (a butterfly that my boys have ripped one of the wings off of), Starburst (candy), Thumper (um, sad Bambi movie), Wall Banger (alcoholic drink), Bumpy Ride (a car ride that makes you throw up), Carribbean Jelly (something you put on toast when you’re in the Bahamas), Tickle Me (Elmo anyone?), Decadent Indulgence (some kind of chocolate dessert, like brownies), Share (something I yell at my kids to do all day), Terra Firma (dirt), The Sidekick (Batman & Robin?), Magic Rings (Lord of the Rings), and the Triple Blaster (isn’t that a water gun?) Sorry, I don’t take this stuff seriously at all, and if Elle could of been there with me, we would of been kicked out for laughing and making fun of most of the stuff! The whole point was to blog about it, so there you go. I wonder what my next mission will be…….
Nice picture huh? I know you all are jealous of how rocking Elle and I are in this pic from the late 70’s early 80’s! Let me first point out that Elle is the older one probably in her teens, and I Stacy am the younger one probably 4 or 5 years old. When I asked mum to email me a picture of us when we were younger, my youngest son saw it and I asked him who he thought was in the picture. And he said, “I don’t know, but that’s a funny looking boy right there”. I said, thanks, that’s me, which just made him laugh.
The other day Elle and I were sending emails and I complained about someone (nothing new in my world), and I commented that I wasn’t here to make friends. Which made Elle ask the question, “where do you go to make friends?” The only answer I have is, nowhere. I do have friends, but I don’t make an effort to make any, that’s for sure. It’s a lot of work, and it’s just one more person to try to make happy. Personally, I don’t feel the need to try to make people like me. They either do or don’t. Either way, I’m fine with that. Plus, not being a big fan of people….it’s just not on the top of my to do list. It also made me come to the conclusion that Elle is my best friend. I talk to her on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times, and we email constantly (not when I’m working though). For sisters that live so far away, we are awfully close! It’s funny though for all the time we talk on the phone, which sometimes can be hours, we don’t really talk about anything really important. Don’t get me wrong, we tell each other when something is going on but we don’t really talk about it. We call each other for “comic relief.” I know that whatever is going on that if I call and bitch to Elle, #1 she will listen, #2 she will agree with me (no matter what), and the most important thing #3 she will make me laugh. We talk about people, work, the website, how we want to be rich and famous, and complain about whatever happened that day. I tend to do more of the complaining though, big shocker right! I started seeing a therapist one time in my life and let me tell you that soooo didn’t work for me. The woman just ticked me off every time I went there. She was dumb and stupid and it cost me $20 for her to make me mad! Yea that lasted about 3 times before I decided calling Elle and complaining to her was much better and cheaper! Of course Elle will totally make fun of me, but she’s allowed. I expect it. Otherwise if Elle or I starts being really nice to the other one then we will know that we are going to die or something! That would just be weird!
I’m always confused when people will say how much they can’t stand their sister, or how much they annoy them. I’ve never been jealous or ever been in a fight with Elle, I can annoy her though. I’m a really sore loser, and an even worse winner! And I’m sure she can list off other things that I do that annoy her. Which to her I would say, “not everything is about you, so get over yourself!”
I came to the conclusion that Elle is my best friend, and that she has to like me cuz I’m her sister. Elle of course said, “there is no law that says I have to like you“ Which I answered with “yes there is, because if you didn’t I would tell mom, and you would get in trouble, and she would make you like me” I’m the youngest, so telling mom always works!
I know, surprise surprise Stacy is writing a complaining, ranting blog, like that never happens right? Okay, first off a warning. IF YOU ARE ELLE & I’S DAD OR BROTHER OR ANY MALE RELATIVE YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP READING THIS BLOG! REMEMBER YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! THERE WILL BE NO COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW GROSSED OUT YOU GOT BY READING THIS!! AND PROBABLY YOU TOO MUM!
Here goes, I hate being a girl sometimes because of the wonderful thing called your period. Yep, I said it, told ya you wouldn’t want to read this blog, and believe me it’s gonna get a lot worse! Elle & I both have thyroid problems, and I have endometriosis, so both of us have screwed up periods. Mine lately consists of spotting at 21 days, then about 3 days after that, BOOM!!! there it is, and it is TERRIBLE!!! I mean, can’t leave the bathroom because you are bleeding to death. (told ya, bad huh). I was talking to Elle one day about her and mum going on a Whale Watch and she came up with a saying about when your period is REALLY bad- “THE SHARKS ARE CIRCLING“ I think you can put it together what she meant by that! So then after 2 days of living in the bathroom it hangs around for another 5 days. Apparently I only don’t have my period for like a week or something. WTH! It’s expensive too! When it’s that bad, you can go through a whole box of products in a day! And I’m not one to buy the gigantic mega-box of tampons or pads that you can get at BJ’s or Sam’s Club! Speaking of products……I did notice a product one time that I would never ever use, it’s called “INSTEAD”. Let me explain what this product is, from what I read on the back of the box. It is a little, round, flat device that looks like a diaphragm. I guess you put it inside and it holds everything until you take it out. It says you can have sex, play sports, and go swimming with no problem. Um, yea, I don’t think so, first off if your period is very bad I just visualize everything building up, and then POP!!! the pressure makes the thing let go and you have a gusher! That would be soooo embarrassing!! I mean how do you explain that when you are just gushing everywhere?? “Call an ambulance some woman is just bleeding everywhere, maybe she’s been shot.” (I would definitely go with the “yea I got shot”) A guy must of thought of that, I mean c’mon why would you want to put something there to hold it in? That’s not comfortable! I mean, eventually everything has to come out! And I’m thinking it’s not that easy to put in! And what if it’s not centered correctly and you go swimming in the ocean…….well, if you see Sharks circling I guess you’ll know that it didn’t work and INSTEAD of being safe you will be shark food!!! ~Stacy
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